A little introduction

I decided to make this blog with no secrets. Just going to tell it how it is, and lets face it... pregnancy and parenting two toddlers 'aint pretty!

Here's part 1 of my story, it's a bit of a soap opera!!

Harriet's Story:

I was 15 when i fell pregnant with Harriet, it was in August 2008 and i started my last year in school not realising i was about to change my life forever. I remember about 2 weeks into going back to school, thinking i was pregnant, but i didn't want to believe it. Without sounding awful, what 15 year old wants to think they are pregnant? I told a few close friends at the time because i had no idea what to do, i also told my boyfriend (now fiance) Callum and i honestly cannot remember his reaction, all i do remember was feeling like a zombie, and having no idea what i was meant to be doing. At this time i was trying to block out the 'What are other people going to do/say/ thoughts' because my brain was already in overdrive about what i was actually going to do about it, if i'd have started worring about everyone else i would have probably just broken down. People can be cruel - certainly not what we needed at such a fragile time!

It was a few days before i officially told people i was pregnant, and during that time i had a friend get me a pregnancy test - i was far to nervous to get one myself!
To this day i can still feel how nervous and un-focused i was the day i took that test. Walking round school knowing i had 2 pregnancy tests in my bag and knowing that going home and taking them would either change my life or make me feel like such an idiot. As much as i wanted to know the results, i couldn't help wishing the whole situation would go away and things just go back to normal. No stress, no secrets and no worrying. That day seemed to drag and i honestly felt so sick, i must have looked so pale and scared. I did the test pretty much as soon as i got through the door, parents were at work so it was the perfect time.

As soon as i took it i KNEW it would say positive but when i saw it right there in front of me, i started shaking. First thing i thought to do was ring my friend and tell her. I had no idea what to do next. I would have rang Callum but he was busy. I did tell him a few hours later but i cannot remember what any of their reactions were, i can't even remember what i actually said to any of them.

I think it was a wednesday when i took the test, and i told no-one but maybe 2 of my other close friends. We kept it quiet until the sunday because we decided we should go to the walk in centre and get confirmation of everything before we broke the news to everyone and the chaos started.

I tried so hard to act normal for those few days, even having to go down for my dinner every night and sit in the same room with my family, having normal conversations whilst the whole time i'm sat there with this huge secret i was keeping to myself, and all these thoughts going through my head. My brain was in over drive and it was so hard to just ignore. But at the same time, i wanted it to be a secret. I had no idea how everyone was going to react and i was sh*t scared to put it quite bluntly. No to mention i was still going into school each day trying not to make it obvious when i was avoiding the big crowds incase i was knocked, even going to a party and not drinking was hard because people asked questions. (Underage i know..)

On that sunday going to the walk in centre, we just told our familys we were meeting up and going into town and no-one even questioned it - thats how normal we acted! And let me tell you, acting normal with such a huge thing going on was certainly not easy. We had to sit in there for a short while then we went into a room and i was sent off to do a test, when she called us back in and told me this test also came back positive she made me feel so small. The way she spoke to me/us and basically told me it was stupid and i need to go home, tell my mum and sort it out. At the time i wasnt really taking in how she was saying things to me, but looking back she was really rude!

I don't think it hit us for a while, it didn't sink it. We didn't have the worry of 'am i/aren't i?' anymore it was a case of 'We're having a baby, now what?' Walking into town from the walk in centre we manged to have normal conversations, laugh, smile and just be 'normal' we sort of spoke about 'well do we keep it or get rid?' and we both said we didn't want to go through with an abortion. Probably a decision people don't usually make within a few minutes, but having known for a few days and have it be on my mind 24/7 i already knew i would NOT be getting rid of a baby. It already had a heartbeat by that time for god sake. It wouldn't make my life any easier either, i'd have still had to tell people i was pregnant, and our parents would have still had to know about it. What other people thought was 'best' didn't really come into it either, i made my mind up pretty much when i saw the test and that was that. I was going to be a mum, aged 15, and i didn't give a toss what other people's opinions were.

That night was the night i had to do it. I HAD to tell my mum, i just couldn't keep it secret much longer and didn't know what i was meant to do, i was hoping Callum would tell his too, but he waited until the next day. I just wanted it over with. I kind of knew there would be tears, shouting and upset but i don't think i realised how much there would be. Plucking up the courage to actually tell her i was pregnant was awful. When i got home that day i felt sick, and i finally went downstairs about 10pm, my memory is a bit bad about all this, but we were having conversation and i think i just said it? Either way i know there was crying.

Cut it short i had the next day off school, i saw lots of different people over the next few weeks, Dr's, health visitors, random counciling people telling me the pro's and (mostly) cons of keeping a baby. I had abortion leaflets thrust left right and centre and from what i remember i was basically told that was the way to go and i was too young. Well that is how i felt anyway.

We ended up being made to feel like we needed to have a scan and 'see how far along we were so we could see what would need to be done for a termination' :( We went along to the scan and i was 7 weeks, and the lady who did it assumed i was going to have an abortion and was going to book me in then and there had we not stopped her. She looked horrified from what i remember.

There was lots of stress and crying in them first few weeks, which was stressful when i was having to go into school and stuff for GCSE's but From then on things seemed to get better, people started to accept it, and in all honestly no-one said many bad or negative things to me. Well, not to my face anyway. School were great, friends were great so things were okay. I managed to go to school almost every day, had a few scans and Harriet was okay, i did all my GCSE's and got all A-C :) Not bad considering i was back in school when she was a week old because she was born in half term! I did some exams at home which was nice because i finished them early and just sat comfy in my PJs!

The day i saw her face for the first time and saw how much we all loved her, it just made me forget all the stress we had gone through, everything had been worth it and i thought she was perfect. I remember being so proud when i got my GCSE results and being accepted into 6th form. I felt like screaming ''Yeah, i proved you all wrong didn't !?''

Anyway that is the end of part one.. sorry it is so long!

Sarah xx